Jingle Bells
by WRE
Summary: Well it's insane. yes, oh yes, BWA HA HA HA HAAAAA! Anyway, er, it's old school, a little prank. And yes, Professor Binns IS alive! So, please r/r and HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!!


"I am SO bored!" Lily said as Professor Binns droned on and on about someone rebelling against…someone else.

"I know!" said James.

Sirius was sitting in front of them. He leaned back in his chair and grinned evilly at them.

"So?" he asked quietly. "What are we going to DO about it?!"

Remus, sitting behind them, poked James in the back with his wand.

"Yeah, come on brains, think of something incredible, something DARING, something they'll talk about for years…"

"How about something…" Sirius started.

"…simple?" James finished, an evil grin like his friend's on his face.

"Well," Sirius said, "we'll probably BOTH have to do it, to give us time to get out."

"What?" Lily asked.

"Yeah," James said, ignoring his girlfriend. "Or we could quickly teach it to Lily and Remus too…"

"What's IT?"

"…after all, the more people hexing…"

"…the longer it'll last!"

"And the more effective it'll be."

"WHAT!!?!? Lily and Remus shouted. "What's this thing we're going to do?!?!?!"

"Quiet please," said Professor Binns flatly and immediately resumed droning.

"What?" Lily repeated, quieter. "What are we going to do?"

"Well," James explained, "yesterday we read about this hex, it's like, I don't know, a cross between stunning and stopping time."

"Oh, I think I know that one!" Remus said. "Arretempo, er, something isn't it?"

"Arretempus Soliyus" Sirius corrected. "What it does is, it kind of stuns the person it's aimed at, like…"

"…freezes them in time. But it wears off extremely fast. For it to last longer you need more people to do it at the same time."

"So," said Lily, getting the idea, "you're going to hex our friend the Professor, and we can all leave before he wakes up?"

"Absolutely! To him, it'll seem that we all dissappeared!"

"Brilliant!"

"We need you two to do it too," Sirius said. "The longer it lasts, the more people we can get out!"

"Mass exodus!" said Lily, giggling.

"What was the spell again?"

"You've just got to point your wand at him and say Arretempus Soliyus, alright?"

"OK, here's the plan," James said. "I'll go up and hex him once. Once he's out of it, you all hex him at the same time, and that'll give everyone enough time to leave."

"OK, go on then."

James got up and walked to Professor Binns' desk.

"Excuse me, sir," he said quietly. The Professor looked surprised; he wasn't used to people being awake in his lessons, let alone moving.

"What?" 

"Er, would you mind if I went to the hospital wing? I feel a little ARRETEMPUS SOLIYUS!"

Professor Binns froze completely. The class stared.

"Come on, you three!" James hissed. Lily, Sirius and Remus hurried up to the front and hexed the Professor too. It didn't have any visible effect.

"Are you sure that did anything?" Lily whispered to James.

"Yeah, definitely. But still, we've only got about five minutes."

"Hey, everyone!" Remus shouted to the class as Sirius tapped Professor Binns on the head with his wand. "Everyone, you are FREE TO GO!"

The class cheered and rushed out of the room. 

"Let's go!" James said, taking Lily's hand. They left the room but Sirius was staring at the fairy lights around the blackboard and the streamers on the ceiling. He was wearing the slight frown that told Remus he was up to something.

"James!" he called out of the door. "James, Lily, come back!"

"What?"

"What's the spell for invisibility?"

"Why?" Lily said suspiciously.

"Wait and see. Look, what is it? We've only got a couple of minutes…"

"What are you going to do to him?" Remus asked, laughing. 

Sirius waved his wand and a length of ribbon appeared on the desk. He waved it again and a little bell appeared on the ribbon. Picking it up, he tied it round the history teacher's neck.

Remus and James stared.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"It's just inviso, I think… Well, invisocorpus if you're up to what I THINK you're up to…" Lily said, catching on. "You could silence him too… And make it an un-undoable knot. Oh this should be funny…"

"Wha…"

"You three go," Sirius said. "I'll catch you up…"

"Alright," said James. "But you'd better explain this later." 

"Lily, what's he doing?" Remus enquired as they left the room. Lily grinned.

"You'll see!" she said, leaving them to wonder.

*

How strange.

Professor Binns' history class had all disappeared.

Gone.

__

How did that happen?

The Professor frowned. Things like this happened to him a lot. Was he going mad? Maybe he wasn't meant to be teaching now. Perhaps he'd fallen asleep. Maybe aliens had abducted them all! 

__

No, I'm fairly sure it's not that…

Ohh, I suppose I'd better go and find them. I wonder what that jingling noise is…

The chair moved backwards, and with the jingle of a tiny bell the door of the history of magic classroom opened and shut again.

*

"Where's Professor Binns?" Professor Dumbledore, the transfiguration teacher wondered over lunch. "I haven't seen him at all today." The great hall was decorated with it's usual festive lights and twelve trees and was really very impressive.

"Oh well, I don't expect he'd have anything interesting to say…can you hear that?"

"That jingling? Yeah. I've heard that a lot today. I thought it was my ears. Or my overworked brain… Oh I'm tired. The Christmas holidays can't come too soon, in my opinion!"

"Oh, I agree. But no, I've heard it too. How weird…"

Over at the Gryffindor table James, Sirius, Remus and Lily were having hysterics at the confusion they had caused. All day people had been complaining of hearing a strange jingling noise. And nobody had seen Professor Binns since breakfast.

"Do you think we should make him visible again? And maybe let him speak?"

"Naww!" Sirius said. "This is great! So simple, yet so effective…"

"And how, anyway? How will we know where he is?"

"Follow the little jingling noise. Ha ha!"

They all laughed as they heard the agitated jingling from by the staff table.

"Anyway, we're not really MISSING Binns, are we?" said Professor Mitchell again. "So who really cares?"

The jingling became faster, more distraught. Indignant, if a bell could BE indignant.

"That's really getting on my nerves…"

Dumbledore glanced over at the Gryffindor table to see Sirius, James, Remus and Lily laughing. Suspicion crept into his mind.

"Professor Binns, would you come with me?" he said, staring straight ahead and earning dubious glances from his colleagues.

Dumbledore got up, and headed to the entrance hall, past the Gryffindor table.

"Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Lily Dennings and James Potter, would you come to my office please?" he said, eyes twinkling.

"Ohh!" Sirius groaned half-heartedly. 

So up they all went to the head of Gryffindor's office, a strange jingling noise following them all the way.

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way…" Remus started. Dumbledore laughed quietly as they all started to sing. It was hard to be cross with this lot, especially at Christmas.

****

fin

__

All that was Charlie-Language

As you'd know if you were her

The translation? HAPPY CHRISTMAS

And a REALLY GOOD NEW YEAR!!!!!


End file.
